Never Said It
by MeredithGreyShepherd
Summary: Derek confesses his love for Meredith when she is in a terrible car accident. ONESHOT.


Ok, this story is dedicated to SAMMY. My best friend. AND SHE BETTER LIKE IT. But if she doesn't I'll just get her more presents. Anyway, off with the story. The song is called "Never Said It" (hence the title) by Papa Roach. Here it goes... (I'll try to make this as loooong as I can.)

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""Wish I would never have said it, but if only you meant it

And I will tell you the truth cause that's all I know, so pathetic

You can't ignore that he wants you, he sat you down and he taught you

And you obeyed every rule that he made, cause he bought you

Now he owns you""

Meredith sits outside of the hospital on one of the many benches. It is pouring down raining. But she doesn't care. Nothing matters to her anymore. She's just staring out into the street, not caring about a thing in the world at the moment. She doesn't know why she's out here. She's just sitting. And staring.

Derek is inside the hospital. He's walking passed the lobby to get to the elevator. He takes a glance outside. And that's when he sees Meredith. He quickly changes his path as he walks out the moving doors, over to Meredith's side.

"Meredith what are you doing out here? Your shift was over 1 hour ago." he states, staring at her in wonderment.

She looks up at him. At first she doesn't say anything. "I'm thinking." she says nonchalantly.

"You're soaked." he tells her, looking down at her drenched body.

She looks down at her clothes. "Yeah. I am."

She gets up from the bench as she starts walking away. He grabs her hand quickly though.

"Meredith. Are you okay?" he asks her.

"No Derek. I'm not." she says, a tear dropping from her eyes.

He reaches up to try and brush it away, but Meredith's hand instantly goes up and smacks it away. "Don't touch me." she says through gritted teeth.

"Meredith...just because I picked Addison doesn't mean that I will stop caring for you. I'll always be here for you." he says, staring into her heartbroken eyes.

"Well I don't need your help Derek. I can take care of myself." she says as she rips her hand out of his grip and walks quickly to her car.

At that moment, Derek's heart breaks.

No matter what happens, he will always love Meredith.

""So don't go away, don't go away

I got something to say about the dark side of me

Dead side of me, light side of me

Dark side of me, dead side of me""

Meredith is in her car, driving home. She's frantically trying to wipe away the tears that are coming out of her eyes. She kept telling herself that she didn't need to be with Derek. And that she could live without him in her life anymore. And that's why she doesn't see the car coming straight towards her as her head goes through the windshield.  
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As Derek is walking out to his car, his beeper goes off. 911. He runs back into the building and straight to the OR. He's about to go in but Bailey pushes him back.

"Nu uh. You're not going in there. We'll get another neorosurgeon..." she says, blocking him from walking into the OR.

"But this is my patient. I was paged." he said, trying to push passed her.

She blocks him again. "This isn't just any kind of patient. I'm not letting you go in there." she tells him forcefully.

But Derek pushes passed her and walks into the OR. That's when he sees her limp body lying on the surgery table. Meredith Grey.

""I lied to you and you caught me, I shoulda learned what you taught me

And the truth cuts just like a knife, when you cut me

And I'll do all that I told you, I loved it when I would hold you

But those are just things that I said in my head, but she told you

Shoulda told you""

He just stares down at her face. He freezes. His whole entire world stops at that moment. His heart stops. It was her.

This couldn't be happening, he told himself. Someone interupts his thoughts. "Dr.Shepherd, we don't have all day. Are you going to save her life or not?"

He stands still for a second, before coming to a conclusion.

"Yes, yes I am." he says as he walks up to her.

And he does just that.

""So don't go away, don't go away

I got something to say about the dark side of me

Dead side of me, light side of me

Dark side of me, dead side of me""

The surgery was sucessful. He saved her life. She was in a coma now and he didn't know if she would ever wake up. And there was no doubt in his mind that he was the one to cause her all this pain and suffering. He was the one to make her not pay attention to the road. But his beliefs were shot whenever he heard that she got hit by a drunk driver. The drunk driver was killed in the accident. It was a miracle Meredith survived.

He stands outside of her recovery room. Everyone has already came in. They gave her flowers. They prayed. They did everything they could. And all he could do was stand there, watching over her, not doing a thing.

When about 3 A.M. comes around, there are no more visitors and it's just him. Staring at her across the room. Everyone has left and he wasn't even on-call that night. He suspected Addison was at home. So this was his only chance to talk to her. He slowly walks over to where she is laying and sits down beside her. He stares at her face. Her body. Her broken body. Her broken heart.

""Just let me be, what I want to be

I said I haven't told you anything, I hold it all inside in vain

I think of you and I think of pain, now I've told you everything""

She has her eyes closed and he suspects she is asleep. He grabs her hand into his, and intertwines his finger with hers. Right now, all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her. Hold her forever and never let her go. And tell her everything was going to be okay. To tell her she would never be alone anymore. He pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently. He ran his fingers lightly up and down her arm. As goosebumps go up her spine, she deicides not to tell him she's awake just yet.

He finally breaks away from touching her as he begins to tell her everything. Everything.

"Meredith. Don't go. Please. Don't leave me here alone. If you left me...I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't be able to live. I couldn't live without you Meredith. I know that I picked Addison. And that I'm not supposed to be here right now, talking to you. But I just can't stand being away from you. I can't stand not being able to look at you. And touch you. And to hold you. To let you know I will always be here for you, to take care of you. And to never let you feel like you're alone anymore. I don't want you to run from me anymore. I need you. This hospital needs you. Just please Meredith. Don't leave me here. Don't go."

He paused, as tears were streaming down his face now. And she had heard every single word he had said to her, but he didn't know that just yet.

He looked back up at her. He sniffed. "And Meredith, even though you probably can't hear me, I want you to know...that I will always love you Meredith. Always. Never ever forget that. Promise me you will never ever forget that." he tells her before breaking down into tears. He rests his head on her limp body as tears flow from his eyes.

She opens her eyes now. "I promise." she says to him.

His head jolts up. He looks into her eyes and he knows that he could never ever leave her again.

That night, they fell asleep in each other's arms, on the top of a small hospital bed.

""I said don't go away, don't go away

I got something to say about the dark side of me

(I said I haven't told you anything)

Dead side of me

(I hold it all inside in vain)

Light side of me

(I think of you and I think of pain)

Dark side of me

(Now I've told you everything)

Dead side of me""

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be -- white dress, prince charming, who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill. You'd lie in your bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming -- they were so close, you could taste them. But eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust."

"At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle -- Well, it may be not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happy ever after...just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while -- once in a blue moon -- people will surprise you. And once in a while...people may even take your breath away."

""I said I haven't told you anything, I hold it all inside in vain

I think of you and I think of pain, I never tell you anything

I said I haven't told you anything, I hold it all inside in vain

I think of you and I think of pain, never said it

So forget it""

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Ok. There it is. Review please.

MERRY CHRISTMAS SAMMY. 


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